This episode we went to Hell and barely returned to tell the tale. We have no idea why anyone likes this movie, but it's possible that they all saw a secret cut of it with only Rupert Everett. And if that's the case... where is it? How do we get ahold of it? Why would you hide it from us? We went to Hell, for you! FOR YOU. So we hope you appreciate our struggle.

This week, it's my birthday! And we also recorded an episode on 2004's Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. It's an oddly old-timey movie about how Flashy Guys are the natural enemy of Nice Guys in the battle for The Almighty Blonde Woman. In a world where Topher Grace would actually turn down Kathryn Hahn and Josh Duhamel would be anyone's dream guy... this movie... exists.

This week we couldn't even make it to the hour mark discussing 2000's Down to You. It's a college romcom where everyone talks like they're 30, and not in the clever way. Freddy Prinze, Jr. exudes negative sexual energy. Julia Stiles is too good for him. Selma Blair is one long sex pun. Rosario Dawson is the only one who seems like she's in college. Oh and, Ashton Kutcher is the funniest person in the movie. This is a movie with a comedic porn subplot and we're still begging you: don't watch it.

PS: Sorry about the mic jiggling! We are getting new mic stands.

Our theme song is "58008" by Clutch Douglass!

We've done multiple horror romcoms on the podcast, but none as scary as 1996's Mr. Wrong starring Ellen DeGeneres and Bill Pullman as the scariest villain since Michael Myers. It's a film where there is absolutely nothing to like and you feel bad for everyone involved. Heterosexuality has never been this bone-chilling.

This week we took a deep dive into the new Netflix romcom The Kissing Booth. It's adorable and sexist! Sweet and horrifying! The leads are dating in real life, so that's kind of cute, right? Almost makes how scary their dynamic is in the film okay because there's no way it's like that in real life... right? Also: It's a stage, not a booth! The title doesn't make sense!

This week we groaned through 1996's The Pallbearer, a Graduate knockoff with the misfortune of starring a sentient wet paper bag. The love triangle doesn't work. The themes don't hit. Toni Collette, Barbara Hershey and Carol Kane are wasted. But hey, at least Matt Reeves doesn't make romcoms anymore. A blessing!

This week we tried to tackle 2005's The Family Stone. It really is the romantic comedy holiday movie TO THE EXTREME. See also: Love Actually (which we'll cover eventually, maybe). We've got familial conflict, romantic conflict, culture clashing and a sick relative! The Stone family is a liberal with a capital L, everyone hates Sarah Jessica Parker for some reason and Dermot Mulroney is the secret villain. This is one you have to see, folks.

Oh and, this is our first episode with a theme song! Enjoy "58008" by Clutch Douglass!

This week we finally dipped our toe into the Mary-Kate and Ashley Empire with 1998's Billboard Dad. Surprise! It's actually a plausible romantic story for adults trapped inside a movie for kids! The leads are attractive, look good together and mesh well as a couple. The main thing lacking in the film is... Mary-Kate and Ashley. It pains us to have to say this... but we wanted more adults in this movie. Not the fake British guy, though. We could have done without him.

This week we took it easy with one of Hilary Duff's more forgettable vehicles-- 2005's The Perfect Man. It's a weird movie where a teenage girl makes up a fake dream man for her very beautiful and shockingly desperate mother. Chris Noth looks bored and lost post-Sex and the City. Heather Locklear has to pretend she isn't gorgeous. It's all strange. But at least Ben Feldman is in it, and he's very cute.

This week we tried to tackle 1999's Simply Irresistible. This sort-of musical and sort-of romance stars Sarah Michelle Gellar at the height of her power and that one guy from The Boondock Saints. It occurs in a mirror universe where Patricia Clarkson would lust after Dylan Baker, Sarah Michelle Gellar would be jealous of thin blondness of Amanda Peet and anyone would care this much about a giant forehead wearing a suit. Cooking romcoms are a strange subgenre.